Photo Credit: Ebby L Photography
If you were to ask couples what the most important aspect of a marriage is, many people would say “trust.” Trust is a huge deal in any relationship, marriage in particular. It’s value is immeasurable when we feel it, and when it’s lost it seems nearly impossible to get back.
Why though, is trust so important in a marriage? And how exactly does this play out? Traditionally, being able to trust your spouse has been thought of as the most important aspect of a marriage. But what does it look like if we don’t give trust, even when it is deserved?
“For I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.” Psalm 26:3
Trust can take on multiple different forms in a marriage. The most obvious is staying intimately faithful to each other. This is pretty cut and dry, and we all know what it entails.
When we are young women, sometimes we are willing to turn a blind eye to unfaithfulness in a relationship. We make excuses for the guy, or blame ourselves. Often this is due to some ideal we have in our heads, or an imaginary timeline we have set for ourselves that makes us settle for less than what we deserve. Because starting over, trying to find someone new, seems too daunting. Please, if you find yourself in this situation, realize your immense value! You deserve much better than a man who is not solely devoted to you.
If you are a married woman going through this, no matter how many years you have been married, then my heart truly goes out to you. I encourage you to pray, talk with your husband, and seek counseling if you feel it is best for you. I’m all about the “marriage is forever” ideal that us Christians hold, but if you feel getting out of this relationship will be best for you then nobody can judge you for that. Do what is best for you and your marriage. No judgment from here ladies, only love to you!
“Truthful lips will be established forever, but a lying tongue is only for a moment” Proverbs 12:19
Trust also plays out in how truthful we are with our spouses. Obviously we all know “thou shall not lie.” But how well do we really follow this in our daily lives?
If you are in a bad mood and your husband asks what’s wrong, do you reply with “I’m fine” when you really aren’t? Let me tell ya, he can tell when you’re not “fine!” Be open with your husband, but also be gentle. Try not to snap at him when you are sharing your frustrations.
Even small white lies can lead to a lack of trust in a marriage. Telling your husband you don’t know where that important piece of paper went when you know you accidentally threw it in the trash may seem harmless, but if he finds out he may begin to wonder what else you are hiding.
Let’s build trust in our relationships by being truthful. I believe this is a very strong foundation for healthy trust in a marriage.
I do believe in the importance of someone earning your trust. We cannot allow an unfaithful man to continue to take advantage of our awesomeness. We have to set healthy boundaries, and let him know when we are not cool with something. Whether it be a seemingly harmless flirtation with a waitress or a little white lie about where he went Saturday afternoon, communicate with him and let him know what your expectations of trust are.
Have you ever thought about what happens if you don’t give trust where it is deserved? Let’s say you are completely faithful to your husband. Have never even come close to cheating on him, are truthful, and maintain fidelity about the things you talk about together. But he still seems suspicious of you if you go out with girlfriends on a Saturday night. How would that make you feel?
If our men are completely faithful and trustworthy, yet we are not showing them how much we trust them, then they will begin to feel discouraged. They may feel that nothing they do is ever good enough for you. They may even begin to feel that they are a bad husband somehow because you don’t trust them, even though they cannot figure out exactly where they went wrong.
Giving our husband’s trust is just as important as them earning it. If we do not let them see the amount of faith we have in them, it may lead him to feel bitter, insecure, and inadequate. Let him know how much you love and appreciate his faithfulness. He needs that kind of respect from his dear wife.
Trust is the foundation of a good relationship. Giving as well as receiving.
If you are struggling with trust in your marriage, try to talk to your man about it. I cannot tell you exactly what to say as your husband is different than mine, but do try to be gentle and patient. If you are unsure, pray for God to guide your words. He will help lead you throughout this tough discussion.
Remember that giving trust can be just as important as receiving or earning it. As long as he has not broken it, let him know how much his faithfulness means to you. I guarantee you, he will feel uplifted and strengthened. And he will likely increase his trust and love for you!
Trust can be tough in marriage, but with some open discussion and prayer you can come to a place of great contentment. Watch your relationship strengthen as your efforts to improve trust grows!